Self-love.  What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you hear this word?

To me, self-love means to truly love yourself – with all your imperfections, the way you look, how you act, how you think – without giving a fadizzle what others think about you.  Loving yourself without conditions – unconditionally!   You love yourself even when you’re mad at yourself because you took your parents advice and marry Dick over Harry and that ended badly and now you’re having to start all over again.  (A bit dramatic, but you get the picture?)  You accept what happened, cry or laugh about it, learn from it (yes, deduct the lessons from your losses – there are always lessons), dust yourself off and continue on with your self-love in tact.

One aspect of self-love is that you love spending time with yourself.  It’s not enough to love spending time alone while watching TV or reading a book.  Yes, that’s awesome! But you have to go deeper than that.  Can you be in your own company with your own thoughts doing nothing but just being?  Do you like yourself when you’re not motivated and feeling kinda out of place?  What about when you put on weight or when you’re angry and are having a heated argument with someone?  Do you still love yourself in those moments?  It’s a process to really and truly accept and love yourself as a whole.  You do not have to love the situation or what is happening to cause you to feel uncomfortable to the point where you want to self-hate, but if you learn to separate that thing from your person, you will be better able to disconnect it from you and thus use it as a learning tool.

I have learned not to self-sabotage, and self-hate but prior to that I cannot tell you how many times I’ve beaten upon myself with the “You’re so stupid!”, How could you’ve done that?!” “You stupid fool!” and at times literally harming myself.  (You do not want to hear about that, I promise you!).  True story.  But how do you get to that stage of being wholeheartedly comfortable with yourself?  It’s a process and it takes time.  And sometimes when you think you’re already there, you find that there’s still so much to learn.  It can be hard to love yourself through some things, but with each trial and overcoming, you will be stronger and get closer to loving your self unconditionally as you will definitely learn so much more about yourself with each trial and triumph.

I think it’s important to acknowledge that it all starts in your mind. Negative thoughts can have such a negative effect and there’s really no room for them. It’s easy for me to write this because I’m naturally a positive person, but trying to change the negative thoughts to positive ones can make such a difference. Simply reminding yourself: “it’s okay, everything is okay”. It’s okay to feel anxious and not good enough.  Recognizing negative thoughts is half the work. Know that not being a positive person is okay too.  Think about what you would say to your loved one if they were feeling uninspired and down.  I’m sure you would be encouraging and kind, so be the same to yourself.  It’s hard but not impossible.  I really like self-loving affirmations, inspiring quotes and even listening to inspiring videos on YouTube.  You could also say those affirmations to yourself.  I’m sure we’ve all seen it in a movie before; someone standing in front of a mirror saying to themselves “I’m beautiful. I’m worthy. I’m proud of myself”. It’s so easy to believe negative things that someone is saying about you but did you ever think that positive things you say about yourself can also be the truth?

The biggest part of mastering the art of self-love is beginning to take better care of yourself – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Doing things that make us genuinely happy and fulfilled is the way to go.  For me, it’s going for a walk to enjoy nature, doing yoga, having a home spa evening, watching a TV show, meditating, or reading. I don’t think we should worry about being perfect. No one is! Simply start practicing self-loving thoughts and incorporate self-care acts and practices into your life.

Ladies, we cannot look to someone to love us when we don’t even love ourselves.  Not gonna happen!  And you know what?  You could attract a narcissist whose vibratory lens are keen at identifying self-sabotaging, self-hating women and are masters at pretending to be just what you need – initially, until you are deeply entwined in their web of deceit.

And finally, as our CEO here at MY Blooming Biz Eugénie Nugent once wrote, “Having our finances in order is the highest form of self-love, a love that cannot help but to command respect.”  This is definitely another aspect of self-love.  Being financially secure!  We need money to do pretty much everything on a daily basis, and while it cannot afford us the important intangibles, it will allow us to have the tangibles that are vital to our very being.  Without financial security, many women often find themselves in precarious situations where they are being pimped and abused, or living in inhumane conditions.  If you are not financially independent, this should be your immediate priority.  Your self-love depends on it.  Your livelihood depends on it.  Your life depends on it.  You cannot leave something this important to anyone else.  Your finances is your lifeblood, and your lifeblood is your life.

Bottom line: If you do not like something about your physical, you can change it.  There is exercise, healthy foods, and even plastic surgery available – thanks to innovation and how far we have come.  If you don’t like where you’re at financially, you can change that too.  Most things about us can change, but whatever you do, do not strive to be anyone else.  Do not zone in on any person and start working at being just like them.  You will not be successful at being them, and you may just become self-loathing.  Your unique essence of you is exclusive to YOU.  You cannot be anyone else, and no-one else can be you.  Connect with your inner self and allow that connection to manifest.

Show yourself some LOVE, we all deserve it.  Embrace and love YOU!

Love & Light,