Yes!!! Confidence is that “must have” every woman needs – if they are to succeed at anything.
As women, we are constantly bombarded with requirements on how we should look, act, feel and express ourselves, and because we are all different and the one-size-fits-all pedagogy does not work, some of us fall victim – attempting to conform to unattainable standards. This is a confidence killer! Looking externally for approval which will never come; for always there will be someone who is displeased with something about you.
Another very deep-rooted confidence killer is growing up in a household that is run by hurt people. It is true what they say, “Hurt people do hurt people!”. A lot of women grew up in households where the parents or guardians were victims of verbal and physical abuse, that were possibly passed down from one generation to the next, and the hurt they experience in a place where they should be able to take solace and be shielded, is the thing that damage them in so many ways – for many years and sometimes for life. Yes, some women were constantly told from an early age that they are: not good enough, will never amount to anything, no man will want to marry you, you’re doomed. There is absolutely no doubt that these women will have the hardest time loving, embracing, and empowering themselves. But it is not impossible! And it is necessary for your success! Of course, some women who experienced these things by their loved-ones will possibly need therapy, but with the right help, healing can take place, and will if they commit to the process.
Regardless of what is hindering your self confidence, you need it! And so you must ascertain what the root cause is, and work at eliminating it. In addition to seeking out therapy for those of you who experienced this psychological trauma in your homes growing up that has led to your self degradation, here are a few tips to ward off this pervasive evil of projected conformity and secure your space of confidence:
1) Empower yourself. Know that YOU have the power to reshape your life, then give yourself permission to do so. This includes clearing out past hurts and hindrances from your life, examining YOU to see how you want to be, and redefining yourself. Fix the things you do not like about yourself! Clothes not fitting the way you want? Eat healthier, work out. Not digging your limited vocabulary? Learn new words. Have a friend who makes you feel bad about yourself? Let that friend go! Goodbye! Adios! Bon Voyage! The key is to ensure you are doing it for you.
Empowering yourself also includes setting yourself up to win. Too many women are discouraged about their abilities because they set themselves goals that are too difficult to achieve. Start by setting yourself small goals that you can win easily. Once you have built a stream of successes that make you feel good about yourself, you can then move on to harder goals. Make sure that you also keep a list of all your achievements, both large and small, to remind yourself of the times that you have done well – and celebrate ALL your accomplishments.
“To establish true self-confidence, we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.” – Denis Waitley
2) Affirm yourself – always. “Affirmations are a powerful tool to deliberately install desired beliefs about yourself.” – Nikki Carnevale
Affirmations are positive and uplifting statements that we say to ourselves. These are normally more effective if said out loud so that you can hear yourself say it. We tend to believe whatever we tell ourselves constantly. For example, if you hate your own physical appearance, practice saying something that you appreciate or like about yourself when you next look in the mirror. To get your brain to accept your positive statements more quickly, phrase your affirmations as “I am” as in “I am beautiful and smart” “I am a confident woman”. Say it loud with power and conviction! Then act like it!
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” – Louise L. Hay
3) Build yourself a safe space and decide who you let into your space. Yes, stay clear of people who does nothing for your self esteem. There are some people we let into our space that are detrimental to our very well-being. They’re always cynical, rarely supportive of anything we do, and never compliments us on anything. Yet, these same people are the ones we not only allow to be a part of our close circle, but we also look to them for approval. No more!
The king is a ruler and so is cash! The Queen is the activator and so is confidence! Can’t do very much without cash, and you won’t get very far without confidence. Confidence is that thing that you embody that allows the magic of the universe to conspire in your favor. You see without confidence you will not be able to effectively share your talents and gifts, and garner the support and attention you need for your efforts. Without confidence you will be overlooked – plain and simple! You need confidence to get to that cash. Work that confidence!
Grace Killelea, in her book The Confidence Effect: Every Woman’s Guide to the Attitude That Attracts success
So there you have it, Confidence: The “Must Have” Every Woman Needs – If Cash is King Confidence is Queen
With love, gratitude, and empowered attitude,
We often look to our peers for “high-fives” and approval that we are ok, but while that isn’t always a good thing, it will have less of an impact if our parents and guardians instilled confidence in us in our early years. If we depend on outside forces to make us feel confident, we will be in for a rude awakening.
Love your tips: Empower yourself, Affirm yourself, Create safe space and choose who to allow in. I think those are really sound advice 🤔
Definitely Kadienne, we have to learn to look inwardly and use those affirmations while working consistently to improve what we do not like about ourselves. SelfLove is super important and making necessary changes can only help. Thanks for contributing to our discussions!
You’re hitting the nail right on its head! So much is demanded and expected of us, and some of it we really cannot fulfill. I agree with you totally when you say we need to ensure we are making changes to enhance our lives based on what we need, and not what others demand we should be, do, get. If we try to please everyone, we will never be happy.
Absolutely Chelsea! We must ensure that the changes we are making is as a result of what we need, and not what others decide we need. Very important!
Confidence: some people got it, some just don’t! Thankfully, it can be cultivated. The worst thing about confidence, unlike self-love, is that whenever it is lacking it shows. And it is so vital in connecting to, and sharing with others, in expectation of them being receptive.
Very solid tips!
Hey Katherine 🙂 Yes, confidence can be cultivated and it begins with self-acceptance and self-love. It may take longer than others to develop, but it is totally possible. Thanks for your contribution. We value having you here!
I can so relate to that trauma! I don’t think people realize how much their children’s later years depends on their formative years. Yes, hurt people do hurt people, but I wonder at what point can it stop? Someone will need to recognize that that behavior cannot be passed on and nip that generational passed-down trauma in its butt. I guess it starts with me.
It’s a real issue for a lot of people Rebecca, and as someone who experienced it firsthand, it is commendable that you are taking a positive approach and trying to break the passed-down effect. We are rooting for you! You can do it!
I had to work hard at developing it myself, and it was not an easy feat. I had too many people whom I look up to, look down on me, and I didn’t know better so I took whatever they dished me to heart. Very detrimental!
Gillian, that’s the sad part when people who should have our backs, just don’t. And most often than not, it happens at our most vulnerable time – childhood through adolescence. Happy you were able to overcome and make positive change so you can now get your confidence on 🙂 Congrats!
Those #affirmations are my “saver” 🙂 Even today I continue to use them, especially when I feel my confidence shaking. Yes, I am a confident woman, but while I’m living on this earth it’s difficult to remain confident-proof. Say your affirmations out loud. They work!
Another thing to note here, is that self-love must precede self-confidence. There is no way you can have self-confidence without self-love.
Hey Janice 🙂 They absolutely do! That is why it is the number one self-empowerment tool we recommend here at MBB. The more you say them out loud, the more they take shape in your life. Affirmations are very, very neccesary in building ourselves up indeed.
I would not be where I am today if I wasn’t the confident woman I am, but you know what? It wasn’t always this way. Had to do a lot of work both internally as well as externally, and I’m so happy to be where I am today. My family and friends tell me I’m on the edge of confident and cocky. LOL! But I’ll just leave it at confident 🙂 They know where I’ve been so I guess my shine is a bit on the bright side for them.
So yes, “confidence is the ‘must have’ every woman needs if she is to be successful at anything.”
You gals rock all day everyday here at MBB!!!
Your work paid off Jessica! Congrats 🙂 That’s what happen when we put n the work.
Keep shining and remain confident!