Lately we’ve been getting more and more letters from young women all around the globe, with one common thread – “social media is killing me”. And although we usually do not discuss everything that women are experiencing and shares with us, we decided to touch on this because of the vast amount of letters we’ve been receiving from women of all ages, but especially young women, and the effect it is having on them believing in themselves and focusing on their own efforts to realize their own goals and dreams.
And the first thing we want to emphasize is that Social Media is a thing; it is a tool to be used, and like any other tool you must know what you are using it for and be intentional. And, if it is not serving that specific purpose, then you need to let it go! Don’t just use it for use sake! Have a purpose for using it, and be intentional! It is all in your hands to do what you want with it!
Yes, your peers are using it, and they are sharing tons of beautiful photos about their wonderful lifestyle and this sets you up to question yourself and doubt yourself, and even belittle yourself and your value. While some of the stories are true and real, some of them are not as they appear. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “not everything that glitter is gold” and for the ones that are true and real, we do not always get to see the behind the scenes work that are put in to get to the place they are at NOW. Unfortunately, we only see the end results.
We are living in a competitive world and Social Media is competitive. We cannot change that! But what we can do is use everything around us – including social media to work for us. How do we do that? We first focus our attention on what we want for ourselves, actualize that design, create the plan to accomplish that, then move with intention using everything available within our path to bring us closer to achieving it – with self-discipline and self-control.
We here at My Blooming Biz encourage you to take back your life, your time, your mind. Create a design for the lifestyle you want to live, and focus your attention on getting to that way of living. Break down your method of getting there in small, workable pieces, and reach them one step at a time. This is the most fulfilling thing anyone can do for their life, and well-being.
If you find yourself having too much time on your hands to be endlessly surfing social media, or you are feeling unworthy or worthless, take some time out and deviate – turning your attention to other things that can build you. Some uplifting things you can do are:
1. Volunteer at your local community in an area of interest to you. If you’re a dog lover, you may want to attend to animals at a shelter, or seek out elders who have dogs in your community and volunteer to walk the dogs for them. You may also decide to step out of your comfort zone and go volunteer at a homeless shelter. You could sign up with your Recreational & Parks in your neighborhood to help tend the space, or you can volunteer at a school. You can check your local community for volunteer options, or do a simple search on Google “Places I can volunteer at (insert city or State)”. Or you can be more specific and search “I want to volunteer as a “…” in (State/City/Country). You could also use something you do very well such as graphic designing and reach out to volunteer at non profit organizations that may need to have that done but not enough resource to pay for it. I have done a lot of volunteering and I can tell you it’s so very rewarding. I always start out trying to help others, and end up being helped in so many ways. This is definitely what Stephen R. Covey in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People calls #WinWin.
2. Get our Lifestyle Designing WorkBook and spend some time designing the kind of life you desire to live – in 8 key areas, and get to bringing it to fruition. The ultimate fulfillment is designing and actually living the life YOU desire. The life you take time out to design – for YOU. Not the way your mom wants it, not the way your dad wants it, not the way your friends want it, and definitely not the way society wants it. You design your life your way from the very basics to the more advanced way you want to experience life. It may take some time to get to living exactly the way you want, but you can start now by taking small steps and being consistent and resilient until you get there – celebrating each milestone, and enjoying every moment along the way.
3. Get a hold of books that have the potential to transform your life, and use your time to read and implement their strategies and tips. The knowledge that are hidden on pages of so many books are waiting for you to harness and use to improve your life. When you read you learn, you gain experiences, and that knowledge helps to equip you to have a better overall life experience. Life throws darts at us! And my darts may not be your darts, and the way I solve my dart situations may not be the way you solve yours. And so when we share our stories through books, we have the opportunity to learn from each other, and use that imparted knowledge to improve each others’ lives. Here are some of the transformational books that we recommend and use here at My Blooming Biz International.
So stop allowing social media to use you and consume your most valuable resource – time! Use social media to bring you closer to your vision of living life on your terms, by making it work for YOU, not against you.
Keeping up with the Joneses (and the Kardashians) may require you to live an inauthentic life, and being inauthentic is strenuous and draining. What’s the point in being happy, beautiful, and prosperous online and being totally opposite in real life – offline?
You are beautiful and wonderfully made and you have the power to create and live your life just the way you want to. Don’t wait another minute feeding into others crave for attention while killing your dream and crushing your soul. Focus YOUR time on YOU! Do something that adds value to your life everyday, and makes you feel happy and fulfilled. It is human to be loved and valued, but we must first love and value ourselves. And the best way to do that is to use your most valuable resource – time, to empower yourself.
Love & Light,
Katherine Goldman is a Cognitive Psychologist and Behavioral Mentor attaining her doctoral credentials from the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She has used her psychological training over the years to impact thousands of women and young adults, and have since added coaching to her repertoire of skills. Katherine recently joined our team as a Life Coach here at My Blooming Biz International where she is helping women overcome obstacles and reclaim their lives. When Katherine is not busy changing women’s lives, you can find her trekking to one of her favorite places around the globe, spending quality time with her family and friends, or in her kitchen cooking up a storm.
Oh my goodness! I feel so sorry for so many young people who are hooked and cannot seem to get off social media. And it’s not even helping any of them! Even older folks who should have better self-control! My goodness! It’s like a disease. I’m so happy my niece is level headed and too into her self and entwined in her goals to be on social media. I’ve seen some people become so withdrawn and depressed looking at all the glitz and glamor on social media not realizing that most of it is not true or real, or even realizing how much they could be accomplishing for themselves if only they get off social media and work on creating the lifestyle they want. Social Media addiction is pandemic at this point!
Yes Kadienne, it is a real issue especially when people are becoming withdrawn and depressed to their own detriment because they do not have a goal or an intent for using social media. At some point a light bulb has to go off and show them what they are doing with their time and to their spirit. Really, time is way too precious to mindlessly waste!
It is a real issue Kadienne, and I’m afraid that unless some drastic shift happens, many of our young women will remain caught up. It is not impossible to make the shift, but it is going to take some real effort! Thanks for your input!
Some people have way too much time on their hands, and no idea how to channel it wisely. I don’t understand how a person could sit on social media staring at people for hours – people they don’t even know personally most times! You are so absolutely right Katherine, social media is a thing that is neither good nor bad – it’s up to us to use it for good or bad. Great post!
Hey Rachel, some of us are more in control of our being than others, and more aware of who we are, what we want, and what we are capable of. However, some of us look too much externally for fulfillment and that’s a huge issue too. If we constantly need to be validated, then we must first validate ourselves. And that can only be accomplished by tuning into ourselves, finding out what we want from this life, and focus on getting ourselves to that place. We love social media! But it’s not controlling us, we are controlling it, to work for our good here at MBB. Ladies, you can too 🙂 (and you should)!
Thanks Rachel! Hopefully, the tips that I outline here will help them to make the shift, so they can reclaim their time. It is way too valuable to waste!
We should definitely be in control of what we do with our time. I mean, I cannot relate to anyone who is crying out for help because they believe social media is hurting them – yet they cannot just break free. It’s really just a thing, and it’s not killing anyone, you are killing yourself! Make the change, you have a choice.
Janice, discipline comes easy to some of us, but for some it is just plain hard. At what point does one stop using something that they recognize and acknowledge is hurting more than helping them? That’s the big question. Social Media is like drugs for some, very addictive! And when not used appropriately with intention, it can definitely wreak havoc on one’s psyche and steal their precious time.
Indeed Janice, we do have a choice and we must work at deciding “what’s important to choose to do” that will enhance our lives and bring us closer to our higher purpose. Will take a lot of discipline, but is doable.
Katherine Goldman, you are so absolutely right! Like so many things in this life, Social Media requires you to have a whole lot of discipline (and intent for using it). We are in control, not social media and the sooner we recognize that, the sooner SM will stop being suffocating. Ladies, don’t give away your power by not using your time wisely, empower yourself! Get to reading those transformational books already and improve your life!
We all second this! It’s your TIME. Value it.
Yesssss! Read those books ladies, and start implementing. I assure you, you will not have time for mindless roaming. That’s a good one Eugénie! Thank you 😊
Yes, social media can be used for both good and bad, and it’s really just a tool to be used. So self-discipline as well as intention has to be in play. Time and sanity are too precious to mindlessly waste. Young people guard your time!
Absolutely Charles! We have to take back our time and use it ALL for our growth and development. It is too very precious! We know it can be difficult to tune out social media and everything else that distracts us, but we have to find a way to will ourselves to do what’s best for us – individually first, then collectively.
Thanks for your input!
Thank you for that one Charles “Young people guard your time!” Nuff said!
Social media and the Internet is extremely helpful but we have to be mindful of how we use it. We have to ensure we take only the good that can help enhance our lives, and disregard the bad that are designed to destroy us. We also must ensure we only seek to elevate others with whatever we put on social media. No intimidating or bullying!
That’s right Desiree 🙂 Use SM, not the other way around.
Thanks for chiming in!
I love the way you are directing those women to tune out SM and tune in to themselves and their needs and goals. Can’t say I know what they are going through but your tips here sound solid and should really help – if they heed and receive.
Jennifer, I pray they heed and receive. Time is way too valuable to waste.
Thanks for chiming in!
All I have to say is, I’m loving this! “The first thing we want to emphasize is that Social Media is a thing; it is a tool to be used, and like any other tool you must know what you are using it for and be intentional. And, if it is not serving that specific purpose, then you need to let it go! Don’t just use it for use sake! Have a purpose for using it, and be intentional! It is all in your hands to do what you want with it!”
Nuff said!
Indeed Jessica! Social Media is a tool to be used, and that’s exactly what we should do – use it and not have it use us.
Thanks for chiming in!
No boo, you’re killing yourself. The Kardashians are not asking you to keep up with them. LOL! Take back your time. Time is way too precious to mindlessly waste. You’re not alone in trying to keep up with the Joneses and the Kardashians, but you must get it together or risk losing your mind, money, potential quality lifestyle and retirement.
Well said Kasey! “Take back your time…get it together or risk losing your mind, money, potential quality lifestyle and retirement.”
Thanks for chiming in!
The Kardashians are no joke honey! If you’re willing to put everything on the line including baring your ass for a start, then you can go ahead and get started so you can then try to keep up with them. I find that people are much happier when they focus on themselves. I am much happier when I focus on myself 🙂 Like, having goals with a well laid out plan and consistently working to bring them to fruition, leaves me no time to keep up with anyone else. But I have to say kudos to the Kardashians for building an empire for themselves. They have come a far way – from unknown to world-renowned!
Indeed Wally! The Kardashians are handling their business, and so should we.
Thanks for chiming in!
If we don’t keep up with the Joneses (and the Kardashians), what else are we going to do? Bored…LOL! How about reading a book? How about reading several books? And you are so absolutely right Katherine, for heaven’s sake “get out there and volunteer!” Put your time to good use.
BTW, that use to be me 🙂
Yes Mattie, read some books or volunteer. That’s a very good solution. Happy you decided to change course. Good for you!
This generation is definitely having things the hardest as far as social media and the instantaneousness of everything. Even I as a grown up find it hard sometimes to not get caught up in all the glitz and glam and supposedly good living that is constantly being pushed on social media. FOMO is real, and we really have to fight hard to not frivolously waste our time. We cannot recoup lost time, and that’s why it’s so imperative to use our time wisely. Lately I’ve been using a method I find work for the most part and that is to revisit the dreams I had for myself that I kinda pushed aside thinking it’s too difficult to achieve and using vision boards and mentorship to help me remain positive and focused. So far, so good!
Sounds like a great method Madeleine, “revisit the dreams you had for yourself and strive to make them a reality”.
Thanks for contributing!
I certainly feel for this generation growing up in this social media age. I call it the age of distractions. If I wasn’t mature+have-aeons-of-responsibilities, I would probably be trapped on social media too, oowing, awing, and then getting stressed after the many compare and contrast episodes. It’s absurd out here on these mean, unreal internet streets! Guard yourselves.
Isabella, we have to give it that extra ounce of discipline to focus on the things that benefit us and not on frivolous distractions. We really cannot regain lost time.
Thanks for chiming in!
Social Media is a powerful force and I’m grateful to be able to access and use it. Just as you write in this post, “social media is a thing to be used, we can use it for good or use it for bad”. Either way, the result we get will be based on how we use it. Don’t waste your precious time peeps! Use SSM for your improvement and advancement.
Loving this: “You are beautiful and wonderfully made and you have the power to create and live your life just the way you want to. Don’t wait another minute feeding into others crave for attention while killing your dream and crushing your soul. Focus YOUR time on YOU!” I use to allow it to drag me down but now I’m using it to uplift and improve me.
Get off social media, it’s a big waste of time if you’re not using it to enhance your situation.
Social media rocks! Because I’m rocking it. I take the inspiration from social media and use it to fuel my passion. I’m deliberate in using it because I recognize it is a powerful tool that can either enhance or destroy me.
Social media can be a killer – killing your vibes, killing your self-esteem, killing your spirit, killing your ability to see the phenomenal person that you are – but ONLY if you let it. Nuff said!
There are a lot of organizations out here that could use your time for something valuable, so instead of mindlessly using your time why not allow them to mindfully use it. “Volunteer at your local community in an area of interest to you. If you’re a dog lover, you may want to attend to animals at a shelter, or seek out elders who have dogs in your community and volunteer to walk the dogs for them. You may also decide to step out of your comfort zone and go volunteer at a homeless shelter.” Totally agree!
“First they hate you, then they ‘love’ you.” The Kardashians
The Kardashian family is on fire! Some next level marketing and strategies are going on with them, and they’re strategic in using whatever and whomever to get to where they want to go. Gotta give props to them for coming on the scene and just dominating!
Katherine, you’ve said it all right here, “Social Media is a thing; it is a tool to be used, and like any other tool you must know what you are using it for and be intentional. And, if it is not serving that specific purpose, then you need to let it go! Don’t just use it for use sake! Have a purpose for using it, and be intentional! It is all in your hands to do what you want with it!”
The Kardashians are using SM to get wealthier and wealthier and most of us cannot afford to be distracted by them. Did you see how many millions she made within minutes of launching her latest product – Kimoji Fragrance and completely sold out within 3 hours? Go figure!
I’m not mad at the Kardashians collecting their coins and amassing great wealth! There is very little we can do without money and the more money the more options, and they realize early on and did whatever it took to get a foot in the door. They have not looked back since! But how can each of us get ours? We are certainly not going to get ours by looking at or trying to copy the Kardashians. They are copy proof, lol! And the other question is would you be willing to do what Kim did to get started on her way to fame and fortune? What are you willing to give up and take on in order to be successful?
The best advice you’re serving up here, for sure! Keeping up with the Joneses is a hell of a lot, let alone the Kardashians. No way it’s possible so y’all better get your goals in line, and keep up with your set pace in accomplishing them. Just saying!
It’s amazing how far Kim Kardashian has come. From a hooker to wifey of a superstar to shrewd businesswomen to now going after being a lawyer. And I believe she will get to being that attorney! As you say, we all have our purpose, and we will all accomplish different things at different times. No more looking at the Joneses and Kardashians in comparison to dampen our steps, instead look at their perseverance, tenacity, and drive in pursuit of their goals and dreams and be about those to get to ours.
Nuff said!
No more keeping up with the Joneses (or Kardashians) now, and I hope that people who were previously putting a strain on their finances to do so, now have enough cash money to get some basic necessities to last during this unpredictable and trying time. I’m sure many lessons will be learned from this and I hope many of us will make it through.
Take care of yourself during this coronavirus scare!
~Barrett
“If you can’t stand the heat get out the kitchen.” Yeah, someone once said that and I totally agree. I know self discipline is hard especially when we’ve already become addicted to something. But I also believe that self-will is equally strong and that topped with our “why” will help us push past things and quit things that does not serve our higher purpose. I agree with you here that we all need a why and they must determine their why so as to make it their focus.
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I’m thankful for social media and plan to continue using it the right way. It’s a waste of time and life to actually watch what others are doing and trying to measure up. Get your own life! Be so busy designing and materializing your dreams you have no time to see anyone else who is not a part of helping to bring your dreams to fruition. It’s simple!
Please tell whoever is complaining about social media to be quiet! Because honestly, many of us would be nowhere near where we are now financially without social media. They’re pre-ing the wrong things.
Self control is a helluva thing, practice it and stop complain and rendering yourself helpless.
It is unbelievable how much havoc social media is wreaking on these young people nowadays. And they seem to be unable to control themselves in using it. What about giving yourselves a break and stepping away? Or using it to launch something you are passionate about? Like, it could be really helpful if you use it the right way. Period.
You are in control of social media honey, stop allowing it to control you. Take charge!
My hubby and I just had a conversation about this and I told him I was over trying to constantly impress my friends on social media – Instagram to be exact, and he was actually thrilled to hear me say that because he is the one I constantly bother to takes snapshots of me and I’m always “disrupting” his quiet, romantic times with me as he often complained. So yea, social media was killing me and although I won’t be abandoning it completely, I will definitely not be on it as much or caring too much about always being perfect for the gram. No more keeping up with the Joneses!!!
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