Happiness is definitely a feeling, a state of mind – it’s subjective – what constitutes being happy for one individual may not be the same for another. Likewise, the things that generate happiness for one may not be the same for another. However, we all desire to constantly have that experience of happiness, and spend a good portion of our time working at creating that happy life we crave. Being successful in our pursuits and endeavors adds to our standard of living and quality of life, and is a huge determinant in whether we experience happiness or not, and the length of time we experience it for. Since it’s impossible to experience happiness twenty four, seven, it’s imperative we do everything in our power to create the environment conducive to our ideal way of living, so we are better positioned to experience happiness, and keep a grasp on it as often as we can.

Here are 12 things you must give up to be successful and improve your odds of experiencing more bouts of happiness.

1. Fear

Fear is crippling! It is the number one reason many of us go through our entire life on the sidelines watching others take the leap, and living to their fullest capacity. Watching others succeed at doing what they love – putting it all out there, and reaping the rewards can be motivating. However, if you continue to be a spectator – watching them and not make the moves – actively pursuing your goals and dreams, you will be most unhappy and unsuccessful. Unsuccessful, because you haven’t tried. And unhappy, because as humans, we can only watch others succeeding for so long before becoming resentful, and at times – self-hating. Give it up! Let it go! Kick FEAR to the curb! Do not allow fear to steal the biggest, most invaluable experiences you can have. Do not allow fear to stifle your greatness. Yes, you have greatness within you, and your greatness is tied to others success. And since it’s only in giving that we receive, and receiving is such a huge proponent of success and happiness, step out of your “uncomfortable comfort zone” as Rachel Wilson Thibodeaux puts it in her book Destination Greatness, and pursue your dreams with all your might. How can you be truly happy when you haven’t given yourself the opportunity and permission to fully pursue your dreams? How can you be successful if you haven’t tapped your full potential? How can you experience true happiness when you’re not living the life you really desire?

2. Procrastination

A great man once said, “Procrastination is opportunity’s assassin” and that great man was right. In fact there is a nursery rhyme thought in early childhood years that scolds,

“When you have things to do, do it on the minute, cause every time you put if off, it’s harder to begin with.”

This could never be more true! How many times have you said to yourself, “I’ll do it tomorrow.” or I’ll do it next week” and then tomorrow comes and next week arrives and two months later it is still not done? If you’re like the majority of us, that answer will be, “more than I can count.” When we do what we have to do – when we have to do it, we clear the way for more opportunities to flow in. When we do what we have to do – when we have to do it, it takes us to our greater purpose sooner, and living our great purpose is when we are most successful and aligned to experience more bouts of happiness. Stop procrastination in its track and ensure you accomplish your goals. Do not put off for tomorrow what you can do today!

3. Complaining (Too Much)

Complaining is a very human thing to do – and yes, some people complain way more than others, but it’s human and we all do it at some point or another in varying situations. What we are cautioning is living a life of complaint – without taking into consideration what we can and cannot control, and subsequently working at minimizing or eliminating the problem or obstacle that is within our control. Think about it!  In most instances, nothing happens unless we do something.  For example, if you want to fit better in your outfits, stop complaining to yourself in the mirror or to your best friend who continuously give you solution-oriented ideas which you have not yielded to.  Instead, work at fixing those areas that are throwing off the look you desire.  Go to the gym and have a trainer devise a plan to target your specific problem area, and ensure you stick with it.

Yes, complaining is doing something, and it may very well yield favorable results, but complaining too much about something that you are capable of fixing is wasting valuable energy.  Energy is best used when directed at solving an issue rather than complaining – either to yourself or others about it, and not directly and intentionally moving towards solution.  Complaining rarely eliminate an issue! If you need something to be done that is outside your sphere of control and you do not complain about it, it will possibly never gets the attention it needs to be solved. However, constantly complaining about something that is within your sphere of control, and not deliberately working towards actually solving it, is futile and will yield no result.

4. The Need to Always Be Right

Having that strong will to always be right will cause you to miss out on important information and insight. The kind of information and insight that could improve your life in some way, or at the very least add to what you already now. None of us know everything! We are always learning. And the way we learn is receiving new knowledge that can be attained through numerous avenues, but in order for that to happen we must be open to listening and receiving instead of always pouring out, with the belief that we are always right. We must listen with understanding ears instead of listening only to respond and be understood.

5. The Need for Other’s Approval

Don’t you just love it when someone you regard commends you for something noteworthy you’ve done?  Or when the handsome stranger down the street gives his nod of approval of you and your ride?  Or your boss when he lets you know how much he appreciates your work and could not have done it without you?  We all do!  And again, needing approval and validation is a very human thing. However, when we go out of our way to be who society and others demands us to be, it puts a strain on us mentally, physically, and financially . Thus, we must work to minimize our dependency on it.  We must do everything in our power to be who we want to be, look the way we want to look, and live the way we want to live, and this can only be done if we continuously work on improving ourselves and embracing who we are – for ourselves.

6. Limiting Beliefs

Yes, there are limits to what we can and cannot do here in this beautiful realm called earth, but when it comes to what we can accomplish in our personal sphere of influence, possibilities are limitless.  You can be, do, and have whatever you desire but you may need to do more than others to achieve the varying feats. If you think you can, you will, and if you think you can’t , you won’t. You decide who you want to be, what you want to do, what you want to have and then draft a plan, create the design, and work persistently, consistently, and intentionally at it everyday. You can do it all!

7. Blaming Others

Many, many times – more often than not, others are to be blamed for a myriad of problems and issues we face. But when was the last time blaming someone has ever solved anything? Blaming others take attention, energy, and valuable time away from actually doing something about solving the issue. Whatever the situation, it has already happened.  What you can do now is decide what happens next. Turn your focus away from the perpetrator and the problem and towards yourself and the solution. If you have to request assistance, then by all means do so, but do not waste your precious time blaming others. When we get into the habit of blaming others, we become blinded to the part we possibly played in the deal. And so instead of looking inward at the man in the mirror, we focus all our attention on the other party or parties involved.  Evaluating the situation constructively will allow us to see clearly the role that each party played, and makes us better able to see our part, learn from it, and do our part to fix it.

8. Negative Self Talk

Negative self-talk is taking a toll on many of our outcomes, and many of us have no idea. We constantly tell ourselves, “I’m not good enough!” “I’m not going to succeed at it, may as well I don’t even try.”  Or “Living a wonderful life is for ‘them’ not me, it will never happen no matter what I do.”  Or “I’ve already tried this and it didn’t work, I’m not going to even try that.” Or worse yet, “I know it’s not going to work, but I’m going to try anyway.”   Our words are   P   O   W   E   R   F   U   L.   They create the scenarios and situations we experience.  Moreover, when we believe we cannot accomplish something, our bodily functions – internally and externally, behave in accordance with what we say which brings forth what we believe and have spoken.  You must change that!   If you want to begin succeeding – starting today, begin overriding your negative self-talks with positive self-talks, and then move with the actions and attitudes to manifest and materialize them.  You can do it!  You have the power to.  And the universe is there to conspire in your favor but it relies heavily on you to put forth the positives you desire – in words and deeds.

9. Dwelling on the Past

When they say the past determines the future, they are not asking us to dwell there in order to manifest a better future; what they are emphasizing we do is to analyze the past and use its good to enhance our future. However, that is not what most of us do!  Be honest, here! When we dwell on the past, we tend to fixate and focus on the bad parts that only make us feel horrible, and keeps us distracted in the coulda, woulda, shoulda sphere of thinking and ultimately – being.  Make a commitment to yourself today to put your past in its proper perspective, so you can focus your attention on your present, in preparation for your future.

10. Resistance to Change

Change is constant! Change is necessary!  Change can be good, and change can be bad, and more often than not we cannot control all the changes that occur.  What we must do however, is work at changing the things that are necessary for our personal growth and development and within our control to change, and learn to adapt to the things that are changing around us, and are outside of our control.  Of course there are at times pending changes put forth which if allowed to go through will upend our quality of life – such as often ensue in politics, but when this happen we must do everything in our power to try and stop those changes. We may not always win, but when something threatens to derail our livelihood, we cannot throw our hands up in silent resignation, instead we must fight to have that plan derailed. Going against the grain and resisting anything is difficult and challenging at best, so why resist change when they inevitably will occur?

11. The Need to impress Others

This is a very common phenomenon in our society today, and with the advent of the Internet and social media, it is becoming more and more prevalent to try and keep up with the Joneses and the Kardashians.  This is taking a major toll on our young women (and young men alike) who are finding it more and more difficult to have the means to accumulate material things so they can flaunt and show themselves acceptable, and remain a part of something that they deem important.  But there is another set of real people who neither work at impressing others or look for others to impress them.  They live authentically, being their real selves – knowing who they are and what they are about, and fully embracing themselves. Be yourself and you will impress and be accepted by real, genuine people – effortlessly.  If you are not happy with yourself physically, then start eating healthier, exercising more regularly, getting ample amount of sleep, and investing in better clothing.  If you’re not happy with your level of accomplishments thus far, then start looking for ways to improve this area.  If you’re not happy with where you are financially, then make the effort to either a) secure another job or a better paying job, b) start a side hustle using talents and skills you already have or learn new skills, c) start a business or take your business to the next level by investing in better marketing for your business, or d) begin putting your money to work for you by investing in stocks, bonds, cryptocurrency.  Life is precious yet unpredictable, don’t waste another minute trying to impress others.  Work on yourself – for yourself, and fully embrace YOU.

12. Being a People Pleaser (At Your Own Expense)

Last, but not least, give up being a people pleaser if you want to be successful and experience more bouts of happiness. What are some of the things that can happen when you’re a people pleaser?   You jeopardize your own goals and dreams. You compromise your health. You subconsciously begin the process of resenting yourself.   You live an unfulfilled, unhappy, inauthentic life.   If your friends and loved ones are the kind of people who drop everything to be by your side when you need them, then by all means you should also drop everything to be by their side when they need you. However, if they are not, you also should not be that for them. Being a people pleaser allow others to mindlessly use your time, and prevents you from mindfully using it. Being a people pleaser sucks you dry!   Commit to yourself today that you will put her first. That you will direct your focus at pleasing her, and not allow others to take advantage of her. You got this!

All the above-mentioned things are energy sappers and opportunity’s thieves. They will sap your energy, keep you in low vibration, and steal your happiness. Rid yourself of them and watch yourself succeed and live a happier, more fulfilling life. A life more true to YOU!

With love, gratitude, and empowered attitude,